I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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