So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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