She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
