This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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