your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
