She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
