Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
