see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
