Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
