I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Someone came in the potted fern
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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