What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize