I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
