Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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