apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
