I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
