we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize