At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
