I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
