he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
