Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
