sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
