It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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