so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
