Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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