she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Acid is not a monday night drug
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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