I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
