I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
