He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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