Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize