There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
