so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
