There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
