I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
