that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
