i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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