Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
