um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
