covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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