why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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