You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
