how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
