This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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