Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
