btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
