there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
