i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
