Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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