I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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