The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
