My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
