u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
