my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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