dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
