I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
