oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
