I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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