i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
