And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize