I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
