Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize