Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
