you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
