it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
