I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
