I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
