took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
