Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
