it's too hot outside to masturbate.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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