Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
