No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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