yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
