I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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