I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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