Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
