how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
