I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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