after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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