dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
