He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
