I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im six kinds of drunk right now
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
