I wish my penis had an off switch
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I AM VODKA MAN
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize