it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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