she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
