I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
