You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
