You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
