Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize