It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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