it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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