I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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