everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
