Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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