My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
