I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Text me some of your sweat
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
