I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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