she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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