So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
