good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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