She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
