Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
