his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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