Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
